What's beach?

I feel so mean having evil thoughts about people and what I would say to them if I didn't care about how they feel. If I had a time machine, I will definitely scold the person right in the face to release all my anger and then use the time machine to return back in time and pretend that nothing happened. 

Anyway.... I AM GOING TO THE SCRIPT'S CONCERT WITH ATIQAH! Haha I am so happy! ^^ 

Oh and guess what. I studied for the whole day (FYI, today's Saturday). I am officially losing touch with myself.

This is bad. I'm getting more boring than I already am. 

OH MY GOD. 
(Exaggerating much?! :B)

My weight = boohooo.

Love how things are going right now. There's only one thing left to settle. That is....... my weight. Hahaha! I never thought that I would say this but.. yes. I need to go on a freaking diet.

Oh and I just found out that when I'm in year 3, my internship programme will last for 5 months. I really really reeeeeeeally wish that I will be lucky enough to score an overseas internship. Preferably..... somewhere in London, France, Korea or.... just anywhere in Europe! Why? Cause those places are so pretty! :)))


That's about it. Goooodnight world.

Shut it out, I've got no claim on you now
Not allowed to wear your freedom down, no.

Cute boy on the loose

HE IS DAAAAMN CUTE! Haha and witty.

Holidays

Really enjoyed the 2 months break especially this week's! It was really eventful. Having 2 beach competitions on 2 continuous weekends is SOMETHING. I didn't win anything for this competition but I was really glad that I get to play with Sheila for the competition just yesterday! :) It was fun.
Went to USS with volleyballers and I really enjoyed it! (Even though most of my embarrassing moments were exposed).
This holiday, I experienced many NEW things. And by 'new' I meant things that I would never picture myself doing them! Haha and I feel dumb doing them.


-----------------------

I know that it isn't intentional but I can't help but feel sad and I can't blame anyone but myself. I guess? I mean.. I shouldn't be angry since there wasn't any reason to be angry in the first place. The whole thing was just me being ridiculous. I shouldn't be making a mountain out of a mole hill. Truth is... I want to blame it on someone but no one is to blame but myself. I know that! And that's the sad thing.





SCHOOL IS STARTING TOMORROW! :(

"You know, I do believe in magic. I was born and raised in a magic time, in a magic town, among magicians. Oh, most everybody else didn’t realize we lived in that web of magic, connected by silver filaments of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. When I was twelve years old, the world was my magic lantern, and by its green spirit glow I saw the past, the present and into the future. You probably did too; you just don’t recall it. See, this is my opinion: we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves.

After you go so far away from it, though, you can’t really get it back. You can have seconds of it. Just seconds of knowing and remembering. When people get weepy at movies, it’s because in that dark theater the golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again and it dries up, and they’re left feeling a little heartsad and not knowing why. When a song stirs a memory, when motes of dust turning in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a train passing on a track at night in the distance and wonder where it might be going, you step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instants, you have stepped into the magic realm.

That’s what I believe."

It's a quote from Robert McCammon’s Boy’s Life

What comes next?

It's going to be a long and draggy post. Ignore it if you want :) 

It's the time of my life again when I feel super uninterested in things and people. I don't know why this happens sometimes but I love it. Not being able to feel anything about everything seems kinda heavenly if you were in my place. I'm not saying that my life sucks, it's just that sometimes people just get carried away and forget that sometimes I, too, get offended by some words even though I seem nonchalant about negative comments for most of the time.

This week has been tough. I was down with fever, flu, cough and constant stomach pains and I have no idea what is causing it. It has been at least 4 days and I am going to consult a doctor tomorrow since I'm starting to get pretty paranoid about it.


I skipped beach training today again because of my flu, but I had to lie to the coach that I am still down with the fever because I thought that if I was in his shoes and some player told him that she has the fever and the next training she was down with the flu.. it sounds kinda fake and excuse-ish like? So...  guess this lie is acceptable right? :/
Anyway, about that... Coach just sent me a text that said something like 'how are you going to compete if you never train?'. This wasn't the shocking part. The shocking part was that..... I didn't feel anything. Usually when I see the word 'compete', I will feel a sudden burst of energy and start to do some PTs and stuffs. But this time it was different. I actually questioned myself 'why did I join?', 'why am I doing this?' and 'do I love this sport?'. And my answers to those questions were 'I DON'T KNOW'.
Ok, it may seem kind of dramatic from some outsiders perspective but this is a big issue for me!! I think I am losing interest in the only thing that I WAS certain that I enjoyed doing. I mean... what if I entirely lost my interest towards this game? What is going to be my next interest then? What comes next?

"What comes next?" has always been the question that I haven't been able to answer since I was young. Majority of my decision were made by my parents (Eg: Going into Dunman sec, taking up violin lessons, etc)  it's that or they were simply accidental, wrong or regretful. Making decisions wasn't really my forte it was the kind of thing that I usually stay clear from unless it's really necessary. But even then, till now... none of the decisions that I've made was ever right.

Everybody seems certain about at least something in their life but me. I feel like I have no aims, directions and my own stand. And it's getting frustrating.

The second thing that frustrates me is my inability to share things with others. People share their secrets and things that they don't want it to be public but I don't. I really want to but something inside of me in holding it back.

The last thing that frustrates me is when people are being too nice to me. When they are doing that, the first word that comes to my mind is 'distance'.

That's all! Whattttta LOOOOONG post. These are some of the frustrations that I've been feeling throughout my life and idk why I'm sharing this here though. Maybe the thought of having strangers reading my post and my frustrations are better than telling someone about this? Idk? I just want someone to see this and I wouldn't  have to worry about a thing since well, none of my friends would probably read this. (I guess)
Gdnighttttt :)

Stealing

Sooooo addicted to this song! Love all his songs in this album <3 

troubled.

The worst feeling ever is when you know something is wrong and yet you can't do anything much to help them.

Presenting the best gift EVER! :)

This is officially one of the best gift I've received from my friends. The fact that it's DIY makes it even better.

Firstly, I am really glad that I was in Dunman. If I were to go to a different school, I wouldn't meet a lot of awesome people plus I might not be enjoying my Secondary life that much. I know I've been talking about how much fun Dunman is as compared to Poly for the last couple of months, but it's true! In poly, there are toooooo many people and a lot of unfamiliar faces. However, in Dunman you will be able to recognize people for most of the time. AND AGGREGATES AREN'T ACCUMULATED EACH TERM. Sigh.

Anyway, went to Sentosa yesterday and the whole event was to celebrate Sean and my birthday. I was kinda surprised cause honestly, I thought we went there to just hang out and play. Wilson's mother made cake for us and the rest made the boards for each one of us. It was fun! Played volleyball and for the first time in awhile, I didn't feel stressed out playing volleyball! :)


I've been feeling a little bit stressed out while playing volleyball in both indoor and beach for the past year and I have no idea why. For the last competition, it was my first time sitting out of a game for a set. That was how bad my condition is. If Shen jiaolian actually heard about how I played, I think he will be disappointed. Heck! IF HE SAW HOW I PLAYED FOR POLITE, HE WILL DEFINITELY BENCH ME FOR THE WHOLE SEASON. I don't know why but I am getting lousier. Maybe it's a sign?! Hahaha oh and I WANA DO HIGH JUMP AGAIN!!!

In the still of the night, recollections of bitter and sweet past memories came flooding into my pinot grigro mind. Some were regretful and some I really wish it could happen again. Wouldn't it be nice if we all can delete some things or some people? 

I have a goal. I think?

Just gottan my GPA result today and it was DISAPPOINTING. Let's just say..... i have to get a GPA of 3.4 next sem to get a GPA of 3 for the year. So, next month is gonna be challenging. But I have to do better than what I can. Cause.... I WANA GET INTO SIT! What course?.... It's a secret! :)

 Stressssssss. Everyone around me seems to be doing very well and for the first time, I feel like a loser. Don't get me wrong. I am happy for my friends that they got the results that they want but I am just unhappy with mine. This includes volleyball too. Ahh. I am losing confidence in everything. Fyi, I am not feeling sad or emotional over anything. I am just disappointed by my performance for this whole year. Not being able to perform well for my first pol-ite, having to do super badly for the first sem and I'm doing badly for beach right now. So demoralizing. Haiiiiiiii. Anyway, I am finally 18! I am super grateful that I have awesome friends like Jasmine, Jiaen, Sheila, Hao, Cs, Wilson, Marshall, Yongjian and alot more. Especially Sean! He planned my bday and stuffs. Oh and my father's going to buy sparkling wine cause I told him I wana try them since I am 18!

 Lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIRD! ~~~~~~~

 

Trying to keep up but suddenly it feels overwhelming.
Drowned in anxieties. Counting on faith, that's all I can do.
No one to lean on to? Afraid not,
A pair of legs will do! :)

So meaningful ;)

John F. Kennedy said, “the courage of life is a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures. And that is the basis of all morality.”

Just thinking~

Have you ever wondered whether that our future has already been planned long before we were born?

Well........ I sorta, kinda wish it did. At least then, I will be able to know where am I headed to without working towards something. I mean.. I still don't have any clue what that 'something' is yet and sometimes it gets a little frustrating till I questioned myself whether those unfortunate ones should, if they could, take over my body and do something useful with it since most of them got a goal and a vision of what they want to achieve in or do whereas for me, when I think about the future all I see is just a blank white page (not blue, not orange, not red, just white) filled with question marks and exclamation marks.



I don't actually know why but this worries me.
I started thinking about what I want to achieve in life since secondary 2 but till now, all I got is nothing. I don't even know if taking HTM in poly was the right choice for me. I am still doubting my choice. Heck! I doubt every choice that I've ever made. What's new?!

Okay just a train of thoughts about my future. I am certainly not being emotional. That's for sure! It's soooooo not my thing. Gdnight :)


"As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our life better, money, popularity, fame, we ignore the things that truly matter. The simple things like friendship, family, love, the things we probably had" -Lucas S.

A drop in the ocean

TPVB <3 

I survived this hell week! Next week is another week of hell too. I am down with bad cough and slight flu since Monday and till now.... the cough isn't going away. The doctor say that i MIGHT have a slight asthma. Gotta stay away from cold drinks. Specifically orange juice and gassy drinks.

Have been winning all the matches so far! Now we're left with NP and SP. I wana end my first POL-ite happily! After these 2 games, I'm not sure what will happen next. Oh and about projects.. I'm left with POM (due Monday), MACRO (due Friday) and FNB (due some day before the end of the month).

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE HOLIDAYS TO START. I wish it'll start next week. I am sooo drained both mentally and physically! I don't mind having eye bags but... my classmate, Daniel, just pointed out that I am starting to have some alrdy. This is an evidence. I don't have them initially but after this month.....

And one more thing! I had a fun time at Sam's chalet last weekend ^^

This is soooooooo not happening! :( 

What a week.

Finally the week is coming to an end. After this week, the rest of the July will be KINDA slack. Not VERY but KINDA. 2 projects were due this week, had 2 polite games this week and FNB test too. I am soooo going to fail or just pass FNB for sure. I won't get higher than a C if i pass! This is so saddening.... Haha okay not really cause I am pretty glad that it's over and i can't wait for the weekend! I'm going to Sam's chalet with TPVB :) 

FNB isn't the only bad news I faced this week. After 2 matches of the polite games, I feel that I am freaking lousy! I have no idea what is going on with me when i am on the court. I CANT SPIKE ANY MORE. Ahhhh! I am so frustrated with myself. I really don't know what to do! :( But.. there's training tomorrow. Hopefully, I will be able to get my touch back. If no....... I think the chances of me being subbed out is kinda high. Really! I won't blame the coach cause if I was the coach, I would have probably bench me during the second match after witnessing the first match performance. 

Anyway, after being in TP for approximately 4 months, i found that the only people that i feel comfortable with are my team mates! I really can tell them ANYTHING that ranges from snail to the most ridiculous thing like perhaps... different poly names like BEDOK POLY, etc. And I can speak freely (as in with vulgarities) when i am with my team mates. I don't usually use the word FUCK with my classmates. I don't really know why though. But for me, my definition of feeling comfortable with someone is when i actually use the F word without feeling awkward or afraid that I will actually offend someone. 

I am really glad that I know a bunch of most awesome people in the world (Jiaen, Jas, Shikin, Cs, Sean, Hao, TPVB and alot more). I am really thankful! 

Okay I have to get my form back and win polite champs with the team and the guys team! ^^

Only one

Addicted to this song! ;)

;)

One step at a time,

Yesterday was FUN.

Skipped RHT lecture and went to Sam's house to play mahjong, had friendly and supper after the friendly. It felt like it was still a holiday! :)

Today was RELAXING.


Got up early in the morning with aches all over my legs. Went to meet Claira for breakfast and then i came home. Watched 2 awesome movies today. 'The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas' and 'The Blind Side'. These 2 movies are definitely going on my 'Top 10 movies to re-watch list' other than 'Mr and Mrs Smith' and 'New Jersey Girl'. (I've got 6 more blanks to fill in)

I love The Blind Side. Honestly, i felt all crushed up inside when Micheal got a bedroom all to himself and instead of saying that it was his first time having a bed room to himself, hesaid that it was the first time that he had a bed. And when he got into an accident and protected his brother (even though he's not his real brother) instead of himself. Its truly heart warming and kinda makes you think that if you had gone through what he has to face, will you still be able to be the same person as him or better? I really think that i would had given up on life, take drugs, get wasted, etc... like all his other friends.

'The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas' is also a good movie. It's about some racial war between the Jews and some other race. And in the end, the father's action just backfires on him and caused his son to died. The sad thing is that the boy was innocent and he was doing a good deed by stepping into the 'camp' to help his Jew friend find his dad. But in the end, his actions caused him his life.
After watching the movie, i'm really thankful that Singapore is a cosmopolitian country and that we are able to get along with other races and racial group. I really don't know what life will be if i didn't know my Malay friends. Eg: Shikin, Atiqah, Fatimah, Irfaan, Chleo, Zak, Laatif etc...
OMG i can't even imagine us being enemies. Knowing them has definitely brought up the 'fun' level in my life. Plus they are a bunch of funny people! ^^
I AM LUCKY.

Ok, idk why am i talking about all of these stuffs. Anyway, I'm gonna bbq at pasirris park with my clique tmr. SURPRISE SURPRISE!

Everything's getting back on track. I am getting my touch back too! Hopefully i'll regain it before pol-ite starts. *fingers crossed*

Changes

THE 2 WEEK BREAK IS OVER IN A BLINK OF AN EYE

Polite's in 2 weeks time and i am starting to lose my touch. I can spike and all alrdy. This is sooooo demoralizing. I really like spending time with TPVB. They are much more comfortable to be with. Not because most of us know one another before entering poly but because they are easier to talk to and communicate with. I can't wait for the chalet!! :)

Oh and i am gonna stop beach till polite is over. This is totally the right timing as i have to catch up with my projects and the submission dates are nearing. What great timing! 

I feel like i'm changing into someone that doesn't feel like me anymore! I say 'fuck' so much often than i used too plus.. i care about people opinions about me. Sooo not me. Ahhh! This is so confusing. I have gotta get back on track. Okay i am gonna go on a journey back to being my old self! (Haha this sounds KINDA lame, but you get the point right?)



K, that's all. I feel happy now! :) 

Mid sem test!

I CANT WAIT FOR FRIDAY. MST is gonna be done and over with in less than 2 days time.

Initially i thought that i'm able to enjoy the 2 week worth of well deserved break but....... on Tuesday morning, i got up and i saw a text which left me stunned for a min. Turns out my 2 weeks worth of well deserved break is cut short to 1 week only. Why? Cause i am gonna suffer everyday for the first week, And i mean LITERALLY SUFFER. But then again....... i got motivation to go cause coach Robo is in town! (Fyi, he's a daaaamn nice and good coach.)

Things to do during the holidays:
1) Meet up with Jas, Shikin, Wilson and all those that i usually hang out with.
2) CATCH A MOVIE. Specifically, MIB! :)
3) GET COLDSTONES OR BASKIN ROBINS.
4) Study for fnb (yes -.-)
5) Just enjoy the rest of my holidays with all of my friends, TPVB, and familyyyyy~

Idc. Even though it's just 1 week, I am STILL gonna enjoy it before the term starts again.

11/20

THE FIRST ONLINE QUIZ I TOOK AND I GOT 11/20. Sean immediately told me that i could have asked him to help me do. AHHHHHHH. Shit.... this online quiz better not make me fail my POM :(

Gonna get back my fnb test tmr. hope everything goes well! :))))))






that's all. Life's great everything's moving on finely UNTIL THE ONLINE QUIZ CAME ABOUT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! :@:@:@:@:@:@

Life so far!

School has been hectic so far. Assignments and projects are starting to pile up. I just finished one of my assignments and by Sunday i aim to complete all of my solo assignments. The projects part.... i'll have to do it with my mates! :) A please!!!

Having a test on fnb on this coming Thursday. I am done with studying for it. But am gonna recap it everyday from today on wards. Gotta score for it! At least i will have a gauge on how well i am coping. POM is relatively manageable but.... Research on HTM is kinda buggy to me. Too much to memorize! Ahhhhhh. Save me from my soul please -.-


My classmates are fun now. I guess i really need time to accept them. And i'm doing kinda alright! ^^ But ofcourse... I still feel more like myself when i am with my teammates~ Hehehe i let myself loose when i am with them!!! Okay... I think i have to skip one beach training from now onwards. I need to catch up with my work and revision. AHH. Stress. Bye~

hottttttt!!! ok he is the only one that can make justin beiber's song sound sexy! Wow

School-ed today and seriously.... LECTURES ARE DAAAAMN BORING. I slept directly in front of the teacher (Not on purpose ofcourse). Oh yaaaa and i was almost marked absent for today's lesson. The buses that goes to TP are always full at the safra bus stop till i gotta walk all the way to the biz block. Sigh~

It's labour day tomorrow which means NO SCHOOL. Yessss! There's training tmrrrrr. I should get going now. Byee~


Oh and i just found out the ultimate truth about the person whom i cared about alot, Aunty Susan. I still can't believe she did that and i really felt sad, angry and guilty all at once when Aunty Josephine told me abt the news. Ahhhh anyway i shouldn't be bothered ab out it anymore! Hehehe gdnight ^^

:(

LOVE THIS CLASS! 5A <3

Orientation was okay i guess? I mean... i wasn't too happy nor was i unhappy with the class. What i'm trying to say is... after being with 5A for the past 3 years, going into this entirely new class with not a single familiar soul around feels kinda lonely and totally not right. I feel outta place. I talked to a few people today but i still don't feel like i belong to that class. I know everyone feels that way too but....i just don't like it you know? I don't like the fact that in 5A, I and all my other classmates belonged. But in a blink of an eye, everything's over and now i have to start from square one and find a place in the class. Ahh. I am so unhappy now.

Oh and a thing that really pissed me off was this girl in my class. She dropped something on the floor. I offered to pick it up for her but she turned me down and said 'No. It's not really impt and i can picked it up afterwards' in a stuck up voice and gave me that 'get away from me asshole' kinda look. I don't wana sound mean but honestly?!?! Are you kidding me?! You could had just turned me down in a polite manner. Fucked up seriously! Ok she looked kinda sick and seems like she's dying but i don't think that's an excuse to treat someone whom she do not know who wana do something good for her in this manner. No matter how tired or grouchy she feels, she should control her emotions. She is definitely on my black list alrdy. Full stop.

Ahhh i feel like running now. I feel so vexed but i can't run cause of my knee. I wana do something to keep my mind blank. Nvm, i shall listen to music then. Sigh~

The good thing is i don't feel lonely in class cause there's this girl name Jia Rui. She's okay! I mean i like her but i don't think i really categorize her as my friend cause it's just day one. Haha we'll see :) Oh and there's a StHildas volleyballer in my class!

I wana relive those moments that mean a lot to me. I miss everything and everyone in my old life. And by old life, i meant the people who meant a lot to be a year ago.

PAY PHONE!

Maroon5's new vidddd! Damn cuteee~ Adam levine looks nice in cartoon form too :)

1 week off

Okay i have been bag hunting for the past hour and i seriously wana get this! But the problem is..... idk how to buy things from yesstyle.com ! Ahhh~ Sigh. Nvm, i'll ask my sis to help me with that tmr! :)

Went to Tp's training with Claira, Jiayi, Sheila, Sam, Stella, and Chleo! Something bad happened during the training. Sheila dislocated her elbow!! It looked damn painful but she was very brave. She didn't cry cause of the pain. And for that, i salute her! Honestly, if i were her i would had alrdy cry the minute when that happened. The shoe bag thingy was horrendous and the match was awesome! :) That's abt it for ytd's training i guess?

Oh yaaaa! And i hurt my knee about 2 days ago and the pain started to get worse ytd night. I slept for less than 7 hours. I kept waking up during certain intervals because my knee was in some kind of position that bring about the sharp pain. I had difficulties getting up from my bed too. It took me approx 3 mins to step off of my bed. so i went to the doc and he said it was nothing serious. I just need to take a break from vball for at least a week and it'll be alright :) That's good to know but..... a week is kinda long for me. I need to ball to occupy myself and to control my mood. If i don't ball for at least 2x per week, i get easily irritated :$

Gotta find something to occupy myself for the entire day tmr. Not going outta my house. I need my knee to heal fast! Gdnight~

I want....

TO RIDE ON A HORSE ON MY BDAY!!! :)

Why? Cause i think that they are the most majestic animals on the face of this earth! That and.... that was the first animal that i ever dared to touch in my whole entire life. I think that they are strong and fearless. Idk why i got this concept of horses... but i think it has something to do with that time when i watched 'War horse'.

There's training tmr and plans after that! ;)

There's training on monday and the orientation camp is getting nearer. I am stoke abt the trainings and plan but am dreading the orientation part.

(this may seem random...)

I hate it when i let someone decide things for me even when i don't really like doing it. The worst part is that i eventually end up doing the things that they want me to do. I hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it!!!!

I also hate it when I can't make a stand for myself, i hate it when i can't voice out what i really want, I hate what i am becoming and i hate what i am right now.

CS (A little less than half) dinner!

Met up with Cynthia and Wilson to watch Dunman bball guys match. It was niceee! Changhao scored alot of goals in the 1st and 2nd quarter. I was stunned!

After that, i rushed off to Presby to meet up with the people (Claira, Le, Jolly, Cass, Qianwen, Ziqing, Mr Chew, Mr Ang, William and the hongkong coach's family) The hongkong coach family looked damn sweet tgt. Esp when the little girl played with her father! Hahaha daaaaaamn cute! :)Oh and the most epic thing that happened was when the little girl point the middle finger straight at William's face! (Ofcourse she didn't know the meaning of it luh)

Gonna meet Wilson at SIM tmr, accompany him to play ball then off to training! That is...... IF THE TSUNAMI THING ISN'T REAL.

I really really wish that it isn't real! I haven't do alot of things yet and of course, there are alot of awesome peeps that doesn't deserve to die yet. Ahhhh~ please don't let it be real!!!!!!!

(LIVEEEEE!! :O)

T minus 9 days

9 more days till the poly orientation. Jas alrdy complained that her class isn't that fun at all. I hope that mine will be like 5A! ^^ And hopefully Claira will be in my class again. *Fingers crossed*

Went out with Sean, Hao and Denise to Kovan to play pool! It was entertaining and fun! The bus ride home was funny and short. They went about debating about some random text that said something like they won 100 000 pounds. Then went about to getting pregnant at young age, marrying rich ppl, etc...

I just realized that 90% of the ppl i know are super cock-ish and funny! Awesome! Loveeeeee it ^^

Gonna meet Sheilalalala to watch A divs tomorrow then off to training~~~

-----------
I honestly felt a pang when i know the reason. The truth really does hurt alot. A part of me felt at ease when i found out about it and another part of me wished that i didn't knw it. That night felt like hell. Guilt, anger, remorse, happiness and sadness all swirled up like some whirlpool and made my (alrdy then) whiskey-ed tummy and mind spin on rage mode.

The last drop.

Are you well?

had training today and i think i re-injured my left elbow. Idk why but the sharp pain is back! It hurts to the extent that i have to ask Sheilalalala to finish tying my hair for me! :@@@

Ifeel like eating choco banana and pretz (roasted) now. I can't find any of them in Singapore!!

feels like eternity,

302~

Half of the CS peeps! ^^

Went for B'div finals ytd! PHS and SQS won. I am happy for Le! She played super well ytd. Hehe she confirm on cloud nine when we all praised her.

Things i did ytd and today:

1) Watch finals at tpy sports hall. Sheila, bird and CS (half of the team) was there!

2) Training

3) Chalet with Cs, Hao, Sean and Darren

4) Went for training at Dunman with Claira and Qianwen

I miss my coach, Dunman team and CS peeps! I wana go back in time and go back to Taiwan and Vietnam again with the same people. I really liked those trips! I wana go shi ling ye shi, qing ren qiao, eat fried chicken, eat rice with braised meat, singing k on the bus, listening to poo and cs act like DJs on the bus, see ppl laugh at others getting lock out of their rooms and seeing those ppl who laughed get locked out too. I wana have steamboat at Arnold's house, bbq, do art at Eileen's house and alot more! :)

Tp's training starting soon~ Hopefully when school starts, i will be able to balance between trainings and school work because if i was forced to choose between them, i honestly dk which to give up. So... fingers crossed!!

Today feels easy. Like everything was how it was a year before. Easy.

~

love today!! :)

Went to meet Mr Sum after 4 months! Was happy when i saw him but the most idiotic part was he didn't even say HI to me. Instead he said 'weiyu why you so dark?!'. Freeeeeeak! But still that's alright cause he bought us all ice cream after our meal! :) Ohhh and there's baskin robins in NEX too. Woooo~ But the price isn't that 'welcoming' as the one in Thailand. And for this i must say that life really sucks! Went to find Sean at the chalet then went off to meet wilson and accompany him to 134 there to play bball!! Russ and Yongjian were there. Haven't seen them for quite a long time alrdy! :)

Haha ok i received the tp's orientation letter alrdy. And sad to say hell starts on the 19 or April. I know many people are actually pretty pumped up about the orientation thing. I wana be like them too but honestly... i don't really like meeting new people. Too awkward plus.... knowing too many people = chances of being involved in politics are high. Idk why but i'm super afraid of being in one!!!! :@ Hehehe but nvm, if i actually got into one.. i got 2 fierce friends to help me. SHEILA AND JIAYI! One show tattoo the other one.... attack with her mouth! Hahahahahaha! (Really laughing out loud now cause i'm picturing the entire scene!!!!)

Jas and Shikin are in both in Nyp. Andy's in ite and Wilson went SIM. We are all seperatedddddddd except for CS, Russ, Marsh and me. Damn! :(

Gonna watch the Girls B div finals with Shielalalalala tomorrow then off to Clementi to meet Wilson to watch Dunman vs presby bball then off for training! Tmr's gonna be a loooooooooooooong day but i like! ^^v

(Just a random thought) I wonder if the thing that happened 10 years ago didn't actually happened. Then, what kind of person will i be like right now...?

Oh ya and i heard this song.....

during training on sat where there was a wedding there by the ocean. It was superrrrr nice and elegant. I decided that this will be my wedding song (if i have one) Hahahahahha! MAD RIGHT?! I know!!!

APRIL FOOLS!!! :)

Went out with Le today and we went to watch the FLOWERS OF WAR! Haha i think it was her first NC16 movie. I managed to sneak her in! ^^vIt was nice! I really liked the movie. It really shows the true side of humanity. Like sacrificing and sparing thoughts for others despite knowing them for a short period of time and how horrible people act under dire circumstances. After watching that i feel really grateful that Singapore isn't involved in any war right now and i really hope that there won't be one in any country now and in the mere future. But obviously we all know that that isn't entirely possible thanks to greedy beings! Really dk why am i talking about this anyway. But heck~ Haha :)

Sean came to find us after the movie and we went to eat. They both are irritating people!!! Like irritating ttm. Cannot stand them but they are still the best! <3 (Haaa so contradicting --,)

Le went off after the dinner, me and Sean then head to dte to meet Darren and watch HUNGER GAMES. It was nice too! Hahaha i am damn happy cause i watched 2 gd movies in a day with my good friends.

Gonna meet Mr sum with Cs, Cal and Ivan! I kinda miss Mr Sum shouting for us during our games during sec 1 and 2,

Idk why but i suddenly got this nostalgic feeling. I miss everything about sec school and stuffs that happened 10years ago. I really love it then because there isn't much things to worry about. Now everything's in a mess! Haha but it's getting better and i'm almost getting everything back to how it was before. The way it was suppose to be.

OH YAAAA! And about April fools day... I managed to help Le prank her friend, i pranked Sean and some others on twitter and i got pranked by ZUXIAN. That ancestor really cannot!! She messaged me and asked me to call her at some number claiming that it was urgent. So i called her directly after my hunger games and guess what?! That number was the IMH hotline. TMD! I stunned for awhile then i put down the phone. Haha that was the best prank for today. But i felt sorry for Darren though. Before meeting us he told us that he dislocated his knee. I and Sean didn't believe it cause it was april fools day. I mean obviously right!!! April fools tell us this kinda thing who wil believe one?! Hahahaha even Joyce also don't believe when Darren told her. He got no concerned out of anyone. #foreverloner!

Love this chinese song!!

Another phase of life. I'm gonna get through this :)

TAN LIKA BEACH

I AM SUPER TAN NOW! Actually... more like burnt....... but heck! I am actually liking bvb. The first time i joined it was because i wanted to kill time since it was going to be a long holiday and I've nothing to do but now.... i really like it! :) It's enjoyable and the sense of satisfaction is really THERE. Idk how THERE is the there, but it's just THERE! Hahaha!

Just came back from Thailand 3 days ago and i really enjoyed the trip! During that trip i started to really talk to them and get to know them even better. Oh and my roommates are Chleo and Ziqing but most of the time Jj, Josh and Dan came to our room so i guess they are also considered my roommates! :)

The tidbits there are really daaaaaaamn nice! Esp CHOCO BANANA and ROAST PRETZ. Wooooo~ Super addictive. But everything's gone alrdy. And by gone i mean i ate them. In addition THEIR BASKIN ROBINS IS LIKE FREAKING CHEAP! In thailand, 2 scoops of icecream cost $4. In singapore, 1 scoop is like $5. THIS IS TOTALLY MIND FREAK. I REALLY WANA MOVE THERE ALRDY. Imagine eating baskin robins EVERY SINGLE DAY!! Hahaha i will feel like i'm in heaven~~

And the mango sticky rice is super good! It reminds me of Aunty Susan.

Abt the trainings... it's fun but the part that i hate the most is the shouting! Just that onlyyy :$ And the part that i like most abt the training is the WATER BREAK part. Super shiok maxxxxxxx!

gonna HUNGER GAME with myself! Since everyone caught that alrdy.

I like the moon tonight! :) #random

Coming to an end.

I AM LIKE A BUSY BEE. Had been attending trainings and volleyball-ing for the past week. The most awesome day of the week has got to be the part where i get to play with the CS team again :) I miss playing with them! If only we could all return to August that period. Life in Vietnam was sooo much easier and fun then! Now everything seems soooo......much harder than before.

Oh and i'm flying off to Thailand on the 22nd of March! I am excited about it ^^

Nat and Zac are like the cutest things on the face of this Earth! :)))

This month, I've seen different sides of myself that i really hate. I really have got to reflect!!

Gonna go to Kimmie's chalet tmr with Jas, Cs, Hao, Sean, Cynthia, Joyce, Darren, Junwei Junrong(maybe) and Wilson! Can't wait for the bbq session.

Ahhh freak. I've been eating alot lately! :$

it's like waiting for the rain in this everlasting drought.

useless and disappointing.

<3

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/a-father-who-creatively

:)))))))

Work/ Trainings/ Class chalet/ enrollment package

Work:

I dread waking up early in the morning. But the good things about this job is that we get to wear anything we want, get to eat and drink, get to listen to songs, get to be a lil' bit late and when the people are out of the office, we get to do whatever we want!! (WE as in Sheila and I)

Plus, Amanda treat us well!! :) Still...... i can't wait for it to end. I think it'll most probably end by this Wednesday. I can't wait!!!

Training:

2 words, fun and tiring!

Class chalet:

Went over to the class chalet like about 1230pm with Marsh! When we reached, Irfaan, Zac, Russ, etc.. were all still there. Thank god! But they left shortly after that. And as usual... Faan was a dick! Alfian looks damn happy (everyone who went should know the reason why Hahaha!) Cal, wanjing they all left before i reach!! :( Haha but it's alright cause..... there were food left and Hadi and Latiff are the best! They helped us cook chicken wings and otahs! AWESOME~ After that we played indian poker, sang/zhao xia Adele's someone like you in the room and talked about stuffs! I personally like the 8 people in the room singing Adele's songs. IT WAS EPIC!!!!! ^^

Haha another epic thing that happened was when i woke up, i saw Jas sleeping like a worm. Literally! She covered her entire body, inc her face, with the blanket. Freak! And Sandra was snoring on my right hand side. Marshall slept with his eyes opened and Wilson just came in to laugh at the whole entire messed up scene!

Enrollment package:

Went to tp with Jas to meet Russ to get my enrollment package and we saw Maya after that!!! :)

Okay, suddenly... i wish that i was back to being a sec 5 student. I miss 5A! But the good thing is that.... most of us are going to tp! :)

Tmr's Dunman Care and Share day! & this time, i'm going there just to take a look around instead of participating in it. I still rmb last year we washed cars and earned quite alot of money!

these few days has been pretty entertaining and i love it!^^

glass

Distracted

Went out with Jas, Marsh and Junwei(birthday boy!) today. Watched movie, played pool (again) and went around searching for places which does tongue piercing!

I was just wondering whether some people wana know some people because of the achievements that they have or wana gain some benefits from knowing them (Being random cause i just watched a show).

Know what? I'm done.

38.1

A,B,C,D,E,F,GAY.

Hahahhaha! Been numbnut-ing since 10pm and it was traumatizing for me since I've got a headache (and fever) and MUSCLE ACHES. Idk why but whenever i laughed, it felt like someone is pulling 10 strands of my hair and someone punching my stomach. So whenever i laugh i'll go like 'HA HA HA OW HAHA OW OW HA'. No kidding!! But i still refuse to eat painkillers!!!!!!!! I have never eaten painkillers before in my entire life and i'm not going to give in now! HAHHAHHA!!!! 2 more episodes left and i'm out!

123456789

Had been spending my days with Wil and Cs since we are the only ones who are not working/not working as much as the rest/not schooling. Jas has 2 jobs, Jiayi starting her full time job (might be getting 2 jobs), Hao and sean are having tests and Joshua just got in Tpjc.

Okay so i went training ytd. And it was weird.... cause there was only 2 person that i known and i wasn't that close to Ziqing during CS. So it was pretty awkward....

It was kinda challenging. Not sure whether i will wana join but for now i think Yes! :) Gonna go for a few more to finalize my decision. Ahhh how i wish Jiayi's able to go!!!

My day started out with my father telling me that i wasn't able to go to Genting with #theymental. I was pretty angry at that moment cause I really wanted to go. I only went to genting for like once in my life!!! And that one time, i was afraid of riding the roller coasters. He kept on harping that it wasn't safe. Saying that the drivers drive recklessly and stuffs. And also i told my mother that i MIGHT be going to sentosa on most of the saturdays and she asked me to talk to my father cause apparently he don't like me going there because alot of people drown there.

I mean, i L them and all for protecting me but.... sometimes i just wish that they would be a little less protective from me getting hurt and stuffs. I mean... getting hurt, emotionally or physically, it kinda a part of life. I want to be independent (since i'm 18 and i think i'm old enough? Idk Hahaha), i wana learn new things, i wana take risks, i wana make my own decisions, etc....

In other words, i'm kinda restricted to do the things that i wana do. I'm not even allowed to go to JB with my friends. I mean L them. I seriously do. They try their best to prevent me from getting hurt in all sort of ways, i get it. It is what parents do. But it's because of that i sorta seem dumb to my friends because they think that i am not able to do the simplest of all things like cooking maggie mee or washing my own shoes.

There was once when i actually want to learn something during homeec, i told my partner that that was my first time cooking something and she said 'okay i teach you'. Ended up, she did everything and i just washed the dishes during the whole segment. And she EVEN taught me how to do the dishes -.-

Also, recently my friend said to me 'if you're my mother's daughter i think she'll go crazy' just because i didn't want to pester the store to give me my pay that was due last month. I didn't want to cause i scared that they won't be happy about it and also.... i was kinda afraid that they might get angry(Idk why i felt that way but i just did).

I admit i am kind of a slow learner and i didn't know how to cook a simple maggie mee dish till i was sec 2. It's not because i didn't want to learn. It's because of some reasons. But now i know to do it alrdy and i'm actually good at cooking noodles. So.. STOP JUDGING ME. I know how to cook noodles now and it tastes good!!! :@

OK so what i want is just for my parents to be a little less protective over me. That's all. But i still L them.

The 'L' that i typed is the 4 letter words. I don't type it out cause... i don't really like that word! Bye! :)

Feel awful.

Went for brunch with Wil, Cs and Mr teo! Saw lots of familiar faces when i entered dunman and at the same time, i saw lots of UNFAMILIAR faces. Tmr's the bgirls first match of the season. All the best~~ Honestly, i really feel like going back to dunman and help them win the championship again since i missed my chance last year. That was the ultimate regret in my life. I think we didn't get the champ title is because i wasn't a good captain because i didn't pull the team together and play as one. Ahhh.. and i'm pretty certain that coach was really upset with my performance that season. Even i agreed that i didn't do well!

Isn't it saddening to know that you did all the things to make people accept you and went about letting them get what they want or doing what they want you to but in the end... because of one hurtful comment it questioned everything you thought you were before and made you think what you actually are isn't actually what you think you are. The most ironic thing is that a stranger who completely knows nothing about you, not even your full name, thinks that way. I always tell myself 'mind over body' but why in this case, it doesn't seem to be working. Why is that so? (I'm not emoing. I'm just feeling puzzled :))

On the brighter note, i got my Galaxy S2! yay.

HTM! :)

Okay the results are out and i'm in Hospitality and Tourism management (TP ofcourse)! I am happy that i got in but at the same time, i'm also glad that Claira is in the same course and same school as me for the 3rd time! Hahaha we've known each other for 14 years! This is insanely AWESOME. I mean how cool is that?!
Haha and... I'm happy that Huijie, Jiayi, Samantha, Stella, Sheila and Chuansiang all got into tp! But i am not happy about the fact that MISS JASMINE TAN SHI HUI got into NYP! :(

Wonder this time round who will be the first person who will talk to me other than those whom i know. Hahaha! Cause during secondary school the ONLY person who dared to approach and talk to me is Jasmine. Idk why but they said that at that time i look like i'm going to kill anyone at anytime. No kidding!! :$

Went to pool in the afternoon with Cs and Wil. Hao and Darren came after wards then went to watch Viral factor with them + Jasmine! It's a good movie. Damn intense! And... both Jay chou and Nicholas tse are h...a...w...t.

Gonna meet Cs and Wil in Dunman to eat with Mr teo!


Just a random thought.. but i really want my house to have a good audio system so that i'll be able to hear my songs after a days work!! :)

Relief.

I'm done with both my JPSAE and JAE. Got a call from tp that there will be an 'audition' for HTM on monday. I'm so afraid and thinking about it makes my knees weak. Chickenzzzz! I feel like as though my whole future will depend on this! Exaggerating much?! But that's how i feel!!! ><

Ahh! I hope Jas, Jiayi, Cs, Poo, Stella, Samantha and Sheila will get into the course that they want. Claira and Sandra got the call too! I hope they will ace it :)
Honestly, i can't wait for poly to start! I can't wait to start playing vball and actually training for a reason and not just train for fun.

Gonna buy my new year clothes with Claira and Le tmr since my parents kept on pestering me to buy them. I think they really do want me to buy something decent for myself since i don't really shop. They even gave me money on their own accord without me asking for it!! So girls...... here's the trick. If you want your parents to give you money to buy clothes and stuffs, don't buy any clothes for yourself for at least 6months or so. It works! Haha but of course i didn't do this on purpose. I really dont like to shop.

Amanda Seyfried - Little house

I love this place

But it's haunted without you

My tired heart

Is beating so slow

Our hearts sing less

Than we wanted

We wanted

Our hearts sing 'cause

We do not know

We do not know

To light the night

To help us grow

To help us grow

It is not said

I always know

You can catch me

Don't you run

Don't you run

If you live another day

In this happy little house

The fire's here to stay

To light the night

To help us grow

To help us grow

It is not said

I always know

Please don't make a fuss

It won't go away

The wonder of it all

The wonder that I made

I am here to stay

I am here to stay

Stay

I miss 5A

Yeap! I know it seems kinda random but i really really miss 5A... we've been with one another for atleast 3 years and throughout our last year in Dunman, we had some conflicts (Pineapple rice, PTK, etc...), it kinda brought us together to really solve the entire issue.
I was gone for atleast 2 weeks during August and honestly, during that time i really really miss the class! Luckily when i came back, everything was still the way it was before i left. Except for the part where suddenly there was a tent (yes a camping tent) in our class room. Other then that, everything seems normal!
I rmb when i was in sec 3, i didn't talked to Faan, Zak, Haikal, Nabil, etc.... cause i thought they were noisy! Hahaha! But as time goes by, i've learnt that they are one of the most humorous guys i've ever known. I mean who pees in a school sink and dressed up as some half naked tribal hunter during lit week? Ahh~ i'm def gonna miss them.
Other than 5A, i'll also miss SHIKIN AND ATIQAH VERY MUCH!

Ok so today we make our way down, in our uniforms, to Dunman Secondary with heavy hearts feeling all nervous and weak in the knees. After the whole thing, some felt as though the future seems bleak to them and some were extremely happy because they had alot of choices to choose from. I was in between. I did not do too badly and i did not do good. So I'm kinda stuck in the middle. I don't exactly know how to react after seeing my classmates reactions, whether to feel sad or happy. I was lost. Then it finally dawned to me that all these people around me, they mean ALOT to me and how they feel actually affects me. For the first time in a long while, i actually felt like they meant alot to me. Especially when i saw Jas crying. Honestly, some tears were starting to form, but i sucked it back in #likeavacuumcleaner.
I remember the last time i cried was 3 years ago when i sprained my ankle cause of this girl who jumped over to my side of the cour and i landed on her foot and SHE DIDNT EVEN SAY SORRY LUH!

Anyway, in conclusion, today i felt very shitty but at the same time i feel happy for those who scored well! :)

Tmr's D day!

It's either 'THE' or 'DOOMS'.

I AM GONNA COLLECT MY O'LEVELS CERT TMR AND I AM FEELING VERY NERVOUS!
There are many "what if(s)"! Like... what if i fail english? What if i can't get into the course that i want? What if.... i have to go ite? Ahh! STRESS MODE.... ON.

Freak! I can't wait for tomorrow to come. And hopefully, after the collection i can go down to TP for the jpsae form thing, with a smile instead of a face with 'sad' written all over it.
I sincerely hope that everyone around me will be able to score well and be happy tomorrow! I hope and wish that no one breaks down. I wish that my class, 5A and 5B will be able to go to a poly and people whom i know from the express (Zuxian, Josh, Angelina, Timothy, etc...) will be able to get the scores that they desired to get at the beginning!

Oh and i have something to say that i'm proud of. That is..... I drank vodka today at Claira's chalet! Ahhh~ Accomplished. It's a step closer to my 2012 goal which is to get drunk! LOL. Weird? I know! :)

Finally!

I officially declare that i, Ong Wei Yu, finally has something to aim for. I've finally come to a decision on what course am i going to choose after 3 years and 8 days of serious consideration. I am going to choose.........

HOSPITALITY AND TOURISM MANAGEMENT!

Sounds good? :)

I think it does! The best part is you get to choose to go to anywhere (Yeap ANYWHERE) in the world for your internship but... the not so good part is that that course is known as the 'busiest' course in tp and bsg is the slack-iest course. I think so? Or so i've heard..... but heck! I'm gonna aim for it. Now the only problem standing in my way and that ideal course of mine is..... my results. The most i could get 18. Then, if my JPSAE form get accepted, i can minus 5 points of from the score. At times like this, i'm really grateful that i have volleyball as my CCA! :)

I AM HAPPY and finally, for the first time in 3 years, i don't feel lost!
K, gdnight world~ :))))

It has been a long time

“Sometimes when you’re young, you think nothing can hurt you. It’s like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. Big plans. To find your perfect match. The one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize it’s not always that easy. It’s not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you’re looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you’re leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered.”

—	Lucas Scott (One Tree Hill 5.15-Life is Short)

Radiation

HE'S AWESOME! :)

Went to Tp's open house today, met up with Stella and Samantha and some Sthildas vballers, walked around tp to look at the course, saw Sengcheong, Adam, Hao, Sean, watched Kyne performed, went to tm with Claira, walked around, went home, went out to ehub to eat with with my relatives, met up with wilson to take the cardigan, saw the rest, said bye, home!

That was how i spent my day. Gonna go to Sp's open house with Calista and ChuanSiang tomorrow! Hopefully... we won't get lost. Haha SLEEP~ :)

Troubled

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad. Afraid, confused, without a road map. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in awhile, people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or give to some one a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. because it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are. And it's only when you are tested that you discover who you can be. The person who you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of faith, hard work and belief. And beyond heartaches and fears of what lies ahead."

-Lucas Scott from One Tree Hill

I didn't know that making decisions are so hard. I have been considering and reading on the poly courses that are available since the start of sec 3 and till now, i still can't decide on one. I think the main problem is... just maybe.... i think that i think too much about the......future.
When i try to see myself 10years from now, i can't picture anything. Everything just seems bleak and dull to the extend that i actually think that maybe i don't have a future.
Everyone around me seems to be very certain about the things they do or about to do. But for me, even the simplest decision like "should i continue my job" or "should i find a new job", is so tedious that i actually stayed up till ALMOST dawn and still have no clue about what am i going to do.

I hate being a fickle minded baboon but I can't help it and i hate it!
I HAVE BEEN FEELING SO FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF SINCE FOREVER. THIS IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE. I know what you're thinking when you read this. You must be thinking "why this girl must create so much trouble for her self" right? Truth is, i try not to but the problem is.. I just can't.